How to Have a Better Social Life

Co-authored by John Keegan

Last Updated: May 27, 2022 References

Whether you are a shy person or just extremely busy, improving your social life can sometimes seem like a chore. There are many benefits to making new friends and attending more events. You’ll form deeper relationships, learn new things, and maybe discover something about yourself you didn’t know before. With the right attitude and approach, improving your social life can be fun and rewarding.

Steps

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Making More Friends To Socialize With

1. 1
   Use social media to connect with friends and friends of friends. If you're a busy person or just someone who has trouble making initial connections with people face to face, social media can be a great place to maintain and develop relationships that can lead to a richer social life in the real world.

   • Dating sites like Ok Cupid have settings that allow you to search for people specifically interested in friendships rather than romantic relationships.
   • Try initiating conversations online with a question about the person's profile or one of their pictures.
   • Avoid commenting on appearance. People are much more engaged when you try to connect to them based on their interests. If someone is kayaking in one of their photos, ask them how long they've been doing it, rather than commenting about how good they look in their bathing suit.
   • Using Skype or other video messaging services to catch up with people you haven't seen in awhile is a much more intimate and social way to keep in touch than say, just sending emails back and forth, or the occasional text.
2. 2
   Initiate conversations with people. One of the best ways to improve your social life is to create new relationships with people. That involves getting to know them, which involves sharing ideas and stories. Ask someone how their day is going or what they plan on doing over the weekend. Compliment their wardrobe or ask them what kinds of movies or TV shows they like.

   • Cafeterias and office lunchrooms are great places to socialize with fellow students or coworkers. You can also try bars, dog parks, a reading at a bookstore, before or after church, sporting events, a concert, a farmers market, parties, dances, or art exhibits. Be creative. Think about places people gather around things that are easy to talk about. People at a dog beach will be excited to talk about their dogs. People at an art show will be interested in talking about the art.
   • Approaching a new person can be scary. Take a deep breath and put on a friendly face.
   • If the person is alone, ask if it is okay if you sit with them.
   • Show you are interested and friendly by smiling when you initiate a conversation.
   • Make and maintain eye contact while you talk. This doesn't need to be eye contact that is never broken, but you should be returning to it often to show the person you are interested in what they have to say.
   • Keep the conversation moving by asking questions about the other person. Follow your own curiosity. "What kind of dog do you have?" "How long have you been interested in comic books?" "So did you play football in high school?"
3. 3
   Listen when people talk to you. Your ability to become a strong listener will greatly improve your social life. When you are talking with people pay attention to what they are saying. Show them you are listening by nodding your head or showing a reaction on your face like smiling or a look of concern. This will help the speaker feel comfortable with you, which will make them want to tell you more things, which will only draw you closer together.

   • Make eye contact with them as they talk to show you are paying attention.
   • Listen for things you might have in common. Shared interests are how a lot of people build friendships.
   • Listen for things that you might want to know more about. Asking questions will allow you to get to know more about them.
   • Try to listen to their tone as they are speaking. If they sound bored with the conversation try steer it in another direction. If they sound excited then you can keep going with that topic.
4. 4
   Practice your social skills daily to get more comfortable with them. Set little goals for yourself throughout the day. Maybe you try to initiate a conversation with a coworker, or just make a special effort to wish the barista at the coffee shop a good morning. The more comfortable you get with socializing, the easier it will become.

   • Even if you don’t end up hanging out with these people, you’ll still gain a lot by practicing your skills with them.
5. 5
   Don’t get discouraged if you don't improve overnight. Improving your social life isn’t going to happen overnight. A lot of it is going to have to do with the friends you make and the relationships you form and those things take time. Be patient. A little bit of work every day will add up sooner than you think!

   • Make a chart or list of the things you are doing to try to improve your social life. This way, even if you haven't had a particularly successful day, you can see the overall progress you are making. This will help you stay motivated.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Getting More Invites From People You Like

1. 1
   Let people know you are available and interested in hanging out. You don’t have to overdo this, but sometimes people might not think to invite you places because they assume you are either busy or uninterested. An occasional post on Facebook like, “Looking for something fun to do this weekend. Anyone have any ideas?” Will let people know you are available and willing to meet up.

   • If someone tells you about a fun thing they did let them know you would be interested in participating in the same activity. "Boogie boarding sounds like it was so much fun, I'd love to try it sometime."
2. 2
   Ask others what they are doing after work or over the weekend. When you show interest in them, they will show interest in you. They might ask you to come with if they are going out for drinks or heading to a museum. Even if they don't you can still get some good ideas for things to do on your own where you might be able to meet new people.
3. 3
   Don’t invite yourself along. Not everyone is going to ask you to join them, either because they haven't picked up on your signals or because they may not be able too for their own reasons. The worst thing you can do is be too pushy about being included. Be patient.
4. 4
   Step outside your comfort zone. Be willing to do some things that make you a little uncomfortable, knowing that ultimately they will help you grow. This could be something as simple as initiating a conversation at an office party or during your lunch hour at school.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Trying New Things To Meet New People

1. 1
   Take a class to meet like minded people. Find something you are interested in learning more about and sign up for classes. This can be a great way to meet new people who have similar interests.

   • If you are in school try taking a class you've never taken before. In college you can consider an elective outside of your main field of study.
   • If you're not in school consider a class at a local community college. The YMC, library, local arts center, or park district might also offer classes for kids and adults.
   • Classes like salsa dancing, cooking, or acting involve a lot of participation and interaction with other students.
   • Ask your classmates if they would like to have coffee or go out for drinks after class. You can talk about that day's lesson or how you became interested in the class in the first place. Both are great jumping off points for getting to know new people.
2. 2
   Join an intramural sport. Many park districts offer intramural sports leagues like softball, basketball, or touch football. These teams are usually made up of amateur players and tend to be just as much about socializing as they are about competing.

   • Don't worry if you're not very good at sports. Most of these leagues are more about having fun rather than winning. That said, ask around. Consult the league president or park official. Ask them what the league is like. Tell them what you are looking for and they may be able to put you on a team with some like minded people.
   • Be encouraging to the other players. Congratulate them on good plays.
3. 3
   Attend parties to meet new people. Parties can seem overwhelming, but they can be great places to meet new people and expand your social circle. If your friend or family member is having a birthday party or other celebration make sure you attend.

   • Don't just stand in the corner. Move around and mingle with lots of different people.
   • Ask your host to introduce you to some new people. This will take some of the initial pressure off of you.
   • If you don’t get lots of invites to parties don’t worry. As you increase your social circle using some of these other steps the party invites will come soon enough.
4. 4
   Check your local newspaper's metro section for social events in your area. Look for events in your neighborhood like concerts, literary readings, or special events at bars and restaurants. These events often have a party atmosphere and rarely require an invite to attend.
5. 5
   Go to meet ups connected to things you are interested in. Websites like meetup.com are a good place to search for like-minded people. Try searching for meet ups that are centered around a hobby you have like playing video games, collecting baseball cards, computer programming or bird watching. You can also search for people who share similar beliefs as you and are interested in discussing and sharing knowledge. Things like religious studies, gender equality, or amateur philosophy are great things to search for.

Expert Q&A

• Question

  Where can I go to meet people?

  John Keegan

  Dating Coach

  Expert Answer

  Find things that are interesting to you—like a cafe with good energy, museums, art galleries, or interesting events—and be open to conversation with the other people who are there. That way, you'll be more likely to meet other people who are interested in the same things you are.

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